Happy New Year ( and all that jazz)

"I got Gordon!!!"

"James!!!"

Thank Heaven for play tents (it was raining all day)

Santa brought a cool cement mixer

Thanks Santa for the garbage truck

Another year has come and gone. Unbelievable. The anticipation of Christmas has now left a mellow, downer kind of feeling. I even noticed it in church last Sunday. The mood seemed exhausted, slow , almost depressed. What's that all about? I guess it's hard because all of us probably anticipate Christmas, in some way. Looking back, when I was little, I would keep my head covered while I sweat to death; afraid that Santa would know I was still awake. Ever year I would get a new baby doll and dreamed of being a mommy, taking my "baby" everywhere- (at least wherever a bike would take you). Now, being much older and a mom, I am evaluting the spirit of Christmas more and more. I would be lying if I said I didn't like receiving presents, but gradually I have found that receiving is less and less fulfilling. The highlight of my season was enjoying the lights on our tree and experiencing the "magic" with the boys. I felt more peace this year as I looked harder at the miraculous story of Jesus' birth and what it all means to me. It is easy, year after year to not pay attention or appreciate the magnitude of how our King came to earth and eventually saved me by his death on the cross. It is truly something to dwell upon. It is tricky now that I am a parent. How do you teach the true meaning of Christmas and yet allow your kids to enjoy the temporary perks of the "holiday". You have to address the Santa thing, they see him all over the place and hear about him from other children. So, deciding how to handle it is something to consider. Do you want to spoil the fun so soon as a child or let them have fun and trust the true meaning will penetrate through the other fluff. It just seems weird to me building up the anctipation of Santa coming, leaving him cookies, looking for reindeer ( which is all fun) and yet teaching the story of Jesus, our Saviour being born all in the same breath. I guess for us adults it seems confusing, because we compartmentalize- thankfully children don't do that. They take it all in and gratefully it all just works out.

This year, things were hectic because of Reagan in the mix, but grateful we were and it was nice to have time off from work even if I spent most of the time at home and missing some of the festivities going on. My parents came up Christmas day and we had a good day visiting and eating, while the kids tore up the house with their new play tent. It was another rainy day but thankfully cleared up at day's end.

2010. How do you say that? Twenty ten or Two thousand and ten? I didn't really think about it until I heard someone else ask the question. The comment was Twenty ten, sounds 'futuristic'. Personally, I like Two thousand and ten but I also still write checks and send mail via the post office. It can seem daunting coming up with new year resolutions, especially when I realize that I didn't keep the ones I made last year or I never had one. I decided this year I would make a few and stick to them. Not really resolutions but "improvements". I not only want to resolve some things from the past year but I want to become more than I was last year.

#1 Love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul and strength.

Pray that this will be evident in my words and actions.

#2 Love my husband better.

He puts up with my shortcomings but he definitely deserves more.

#3 Get in shape. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

#4 Stop using credit cards. Only use cash or save until I have the money I need.

#5 Be a blessing to someone everyday. Even if it's a few minutes or something small.

#6 Limit my chores so I appreciate my children more with my time.

#7 Be content. Love what I have. We all have too much stuff anyway.

#8 Listen more.

#9 Guard my mouth.

#10 Spend time with my Bible everyday.

I could probably come up with a million "improvements" but I think I'll start with these. Hopefully, when 2011 comes I can see how far I've come in all of these areas but most of all I will be more Christ like.

My new addiction.

"peace love happiness"

David "helping" daddy make sure the tree is straight

David had a big job this year- putting the star on top!

And who wouldn't love a little Daniel "craziness".

this is his big boy move,or so he says.

As I pulled off the highway, onto Archer Rd. and came to a screaching halt. I sat and watched car after car go by and then come to a stand still across three lanes. I felt a sense of excitement and relief. I had just realized that I didn't have to be one of these halted cars, packed across lanes and lanes of busy traffic. Once I purchased my goods from Publix, I was headed home, away from the chaos. I WAS DONE WITH MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! ahhhhh, what a good feeling it was.

For the first year ever, I am not up til the last minute, standing in lines and feeling panicked to find the perfect gift. How could this be? Was I superwoman? No. I have discovered online shopping. I have been a critic in the past and felt it was too impersonal and tacky. But, because of my circumstances this year, I realized there wasn't any way to accomplish gift buying ( and staying sane) unless I changed my ways. I am hooked, however, as I realized with a click of a button my purchases were being processed, wrapped and on their way. Thank you UPS! No crowds, no lines, no fighting for space, or with my kids, and better yet free shipping (mostly). Since gifts is one of my love languages, for those who know Chapman's book, 'The Five Love Languages'; I generally get heart palpitations and feelings of glee as I shop the sales and hit the stores buying gifts for others. I love to buy things for people, for myself too but really it is so much easier ( and fun) to get things for others. I do enjoy receiving gifts as many also do, but finding that perfect gift can be such a challenge. It has been a disappointment since the arrival and maintenance of 3 little boys that my gift giving and shopping has diminished. I truly desire to be in the trenches, touch the merchandise, browse TJ Maxx (can you feel your heart racing?) but I have come to the conclusion that my days of browsing and "going" are over or at least limited for awhile. The good news is: I save a lot of money, my kids are happier at the play area in the mall, and I am more decisive when I do get to shop because the attention span of a 3 1/2 year old is about 3 minutes. That's a good thing. So, for those that are receiving gifts from me this year, please know that my heart did go into it and I enjoyed shopping for you but for those who won't be getting a gift, please know that my heart yearned to buy you something and one day I'll make it up to you.

A month old!- can you believe it?

Reagan likes bath time

David sharing his trains- what a great big brother

" Sleeping like a baby"

Taking turns holding little brother

Too cute for words!

Reagan is a month old today. Wow! Not only does it seem like it's gone by quick, but I am starting to realize my days of "maternity leave" are also going by quick. Oh well. My new year's resolution is to BE PEACEFUL and I am already striving to accomplish my goal, even before the new year has begun. Taking for granted David and Daniel, I found myself wrapped up like a stress ball. I was always trying to accomplish too much, or getting frustrated when their need took precedence over my desire or want. Now, I am still a ball of stress but I am aware of my selfish tendencies and "craving peace". Joyce Meyer did a great job grilling this into my head yesterday, as I listened to her speak on this and I am encouraged that it is mine for the taking, as long as I ask and follow the instruction of the Lord and CRAVE IT!

The first month, or actually the first 3 weeks at home have been better than I had expected. Reagan is a good baby, sweet as can be and eating like a champ. In the past, I faced many struggles with breastfeeding so I have been pleasantly surprised and thankful that it is going well this time, so far. His 2 week checkup last week was evidence of God's grace- he weighed 7# 15oz which means he has gained about 1oz/day.....more than enough. Yahoo!

He has already been to church once and on a car trip to grandma and papa stalnaker's for Thanksgiving. He is a very good travel companion, hardly ever crying when he's in his car seat and he likes to take his big brothers to school......he knows then he has mommy all to himself. He doesn't like a pacifier unless it's a crucial moment and he sleeps well, eating about every 3 hrs. He loves to sleep on his belly but would rather be held every moment of the day, if possible. That's o.k. though because I love to hold him and cuddle, which is where I am off to now.

Grammy B came to visit and help

HERE I AM! PRECIOUS AND NEW

Reagan Nehemiah, our new little addition to the family. Welcome to the world, little man. Your arrival was fast and furious and to my dismay, unplanned. God has been doing a number on me lately, with little reminders of his sovereignty and then you coming along, like you did, was a big reminder. O.k. God, I get it- I relinquish my control.

The drama ensued with me waking up at 2am with a terrible pain and a little "pop" (hmmm.....did my water break?) As I tried to make my way to the bathroom, I was conflicted with the realization that it could be happening like this. So quick? The contractions only minutes apart? Do I really need to push? As I woke up your daddy (3times) I could barely move or talk and the calm approach I thought I'd have, after being in labor twice before and knowing how to do it, went out the window. I was panicked. And worried. How was my uterus holding up. Would we make it? Oh and by the way- I wasn't supposed to do this labor thing again!!! Ugh. I can remember griping about this as I made my way to the car. Thankfully, your daddy had been through this before and knocked the sense into me, driving 95 miles/hr getting me to the hospital in the nick of time. Having connections, one of my co-workers was waiting for me at the curb with a wheelchair and whisked me to labor and delivery. My awesome pals and co-workers moved swiftly and you graced us with your presence 45 min. later, by cesarean. Your daddy made the call, "IT'S A BOY!" and our hearts were moved once more as we welcomed another life into our family.

From the moment you arrived, you have been such a gift. As you were handed to me in the delivery room, your sweet smell was implanted in my memory. You were a true example of innocence and purity, and you were ours. The realization at that moment, that your every need depends on me and your daddy is profound and humbling. You and I got to spend a few hours together before you were reevaluated in the nursery. Unfortunately, you weren't feeling well and you had to be transferred to the NICU for treatment of infection and rapid breathing. I felt a great disappointment b/c I knew the course of treatment would be at least a few days and that you probably would have to be away from me most of the time.

The first few days at the hospital were spent trying to rest in between frequent visits to the NICU, to see you. You were receiving iv fluids, so you weren't that hungry but I tried to nurse you when possible. Managing on limited amount of sleep and being sore, made it difficult to cope at times. But, you had really good nurses taking care of you and they encouraged me along the way. I was also very blessed to be able to stay with you all week, while you stayed and completed your antibiotics. Once I was discharged on Tues. I stayed with you all day and went home to see your brothers for dinner and bedtime, and then I made it back in time to feed you and sleep with you all night. There was a room with a cot available for such a need. The week became very long with traveling back and forth and I missed your daddy and brothers. But, daddy helped keep me going and did a great job taking care of things at the house. Grandma and Papa Stalnaker came to visit you the first day and helped at the house too.

Each day you did a little better. Your breathing slowed down, you usually pulled your tube off your face that was supposed to give you oxygen; and you started getting hungry. After Tues. you were moved to the NICU 2 and basically hanging out like a "normal" baby. Spending time with you in the unit gave me a new perspective and greater appreciation for families that had babies that had to stay long term. I saw many moms that I recognized as previous patients and realized that their baby had spent a long time at the hospital already. Many families appeared to have been "visitors" for many months. Their child too big for a bassinet and now moved to a bigger crib with activity toys and all, was a true picture of how long they had been there. I empathized with them, especially knowing that you were coming home in a week. I reminded myself everyday as I watched others to be very, very thankful.

We made it through your first week of life. Not as expected, but blessed even still. You successfully completed your antibiotic regimen and Sat. morning you were officially discharged. I could barely wait to get you in the car. I wanted to have you in the comfort of our home and spend time with your daddy and brothers. Unconventionally, you and I left together, no daddy or wheelchair and entourage at our side- just you and me. It was a strange departure, yet glorious and I said to you, 'here we go baby, just you and me'. You slept peacefully the whole way home on your first car ride.

Frazzled but Blessed

Well, it seems that God is trying to teach me a few things. This past Wed. after working for a few hours I started contracting. alot. I usually contract often throughout the day, but I blame it on taking care of two very busy boys ( and being a little old). But this time it felt different. I actually thought it felt like the first few hours of my induction with Daniel. As usual, I tried to deny that it could be anything, but after much nagging by a couple of co-workers, I let them put me on the monitor. I was definitely contracting- about every 3min. and I noticed their intensity (along with my anxiety) was increasing. Could it be? How could this happen today? I didn't even have my bag packed, or my kitchen floor clean; not to mention I am only 36wks. Ironically, I had started feeling a little on edge the past week- knowing that I only had a few more weeks to go. I couldn't believe it, it seems like everything has sped up. It is much easier to take this little one to the store like this- nice and contained inside my belly. I even joked with my doctor about waiting another week past my original scheduled day (Nov. 9). But, here I was being told that after evaluation, I was 4cm dilated and on the brink of having our baby today. Yikes. why did I start crying? Why was I such a mess? - Because I like to be in control. Apparently, everyone (including my coworkers) knows that. I had to chuckle to myself, when I realized that today in my workbook for the Bible study I'm doing, was titled "My time belongs to God". Well, I insisted the doctor on call recheck me in 2 hours. This happened and I wasn't changed but everyone felt more comfortable having me stay overnight in the hospital, just in case. Esp. considering my hx. with two prior c-sections. Anyway, long story short. I slept horrible but made it through the night and went home in the morning.

As far as the frazzled part goes. I mentioned I was taking a Bible study. It is titled "The frazzled female". Unfortunately, I haven't been able to attend the past two discussions, but have been diligent about completing my work each week. I have to admit, when I pick up the book to start my devotional time, I say to myself pridefully- ' I am not frazzled, I have it together pretty much' and I feel kind of silly that I am even doing it. However, as I do the lessons each day, I am quickly humbled and realize how pertinent the study is to me and am grateful that there are other women who feel the need to do such a study and are going through the same situations as I am. It is a brief study, one that is doable for a "frazzled" female but packed full of truths and pertinent activities that grow my relationship with God. I am realizing that although I may feel a little stressed and stretched to my limits sometimes, He is blessing me everyday and this baby that is on the way is another example of that. It has been a little much, having 3 babies within 3+yrs. but for years God was trying to steer my path yet I did my best to ignore Him. Thankfully, after years of an unhealthy relationship, I was given a second chance and blessed or not, I may have to go through a little stress because I didn't give myself a lot of time to build a family.
Being blessed can be just a little thing or a big thing, and I am experiencing both. Thank you Lord for this baby that is about to fill us with joy and excitement and thank you for my boys. It can't get any better than watching David sit on his daddy's lap and look up and say, 'you are my best friend daddy".

Fall is in the air

Well, Fall is here. I think. Living in Florida is one of those things that has to grow on you. I've lived here for over 30years and have gotten used to the weather, or lack there of, but somehow still have a burning desire to see snow on Christmas day and think that every summer is hotter than the year before. Thankfully, the weather has appeased many of us, who have dashed out to enjoy the many fall festivals going on and tried out a pumpkin patch or two. A high in the 70's is cool for us and fools us to get ready for the holidays that follow. My mommy group hadn't made it together for a few weeks, but a few of us did manage to gather at one of our near by churches at their pumpkin patch. I imagined the cutest of photos of David & Daniel, sitting on their favorites pumpkins with grins from ear to ear, right on cue.....this is what I got. David would never sit still, he purposely avoids the camera and thought he'd try to touch every pumpkin in site-never committing to just one. Daniel just got lazy and gave me a great "I'm not into to this mom" pose.
Oh well, the bounce house was a hit and watching them fall over and laugh at each other was quite amusing. This day is was actually not that cool yet, so we were all a little sweaty and I didn' t come prepared so we jetted a little early to get some grub.

David on the move, searching for the best pumpkin.

Daniel ruling the bounce house.

Daniel and buddy Sammy, these boys are loving it.

Hey mom aren't I cute?

Now, there's my cute boy....

Tearing up the cute picture spot. Wouldn't you know it?

Luke hanging with the big boys.

Hey dude, nice truck.

Daniel turns 2!

Happy Birthday Daniel!! You turned two this past week. It is hard to believe you are such a "little man". I remember you as a tiny baby, like it was yesterday. You came into our lives and have filled your mommy and daddy with so much joy and laughter. Your personality is contagious and your smile lights up any room. You can be vivacious and gentle all at the same time, with the best kisses in the world- full of affection and sloppy wet. You are however, full of spunk and love to hit things. Daddy's new nickname for you is "Bam-Bam"- from the baby in the Flintstones. Unfortunately, this has gotten you in a lot of trouble recently because sometimes you hit the wrong things or people, esp. your brother. You and David are learning to play well together and sometimes it sounds like your calling him "Daniel" so I think you think there are two of you. You still love Elmo, but like all of the things that David does too. Tractors, trains, and trucks. You love to push your dump truck all over the yard and make truck sounds and drive your trains around the track, saying "all aboard and choo-choo". You are very independent and get frustrated if someone tries to help you. And, you are showing some interest in going potty- you get upset when we put diapers on you because you want to wear pull-ups with Woody on them. You are saying so many words and short sentences! Always saying thank you and have learned to apologize. You are very athletic too. You kick a soccer ball like a pro and always kick with your left foot. Ironically, you are also quite clumsy- running into walls, tripping over your own feet and bumping your head on the doors and cabinets. Your poor little noggin is sure hard.
You really seem to love music. You dance anytime it's playing and tap your feet in the car with your head bobbing up and down. You love to eat and eat just about anything, however you don't like mac-n-cheese, like David. The biggest highlight of your life is POPSICLES. You light up like nothing I've seen when you get one.

Daniel means (God is my judge). He was a man of impeccable integrity and did not sin, despite living and serving in a corrupt land. He held fast to his faith in his God and was persistent in prayer, prophesying through dreams with discernment that was given to him by God.
Although, you are only two and your behavior is sporadic and chaotic at times, your daddy and I have seen these qualities in you as you have grown. Your heart is open for all to see and you enjoy life moment to moment, trusting with a humble compassion. Your persistence is evident in everything you do and you seem to discern a situation carefully. We pray fervently that your life will unfold as Daniel's did in Babylon and you too will stand firm to your faith. We pray that you will give your heart to God and lead others through your faithfulness and example. We love you very much and thank Yahweh for you everyday.



Grandma & Papa bought you a cool new tractor, that plays music.