Can it really be? Almost a full month has past, and I've yet to record anything in writing. Thankfully, my camera is still working well enough to catch some cherished moments. However, I am anticipating blowing a lot of money on a new, spiffy digital that I can capture gorgeous, "real life" memories of our life with these crazy boys. I feel like I can't get enough of them. Right now, the house is hauntily quiet, I just finished my quiet time and prayed the first good prayer in many days. Yet, I am restless looking at the clock deciding when to jump into reality and go pick up the kids from school and the babysitter. It is so bitter sweet. These moments of solitude are rare and lovely, yet my heart aches to be in the chaotic presence of my David, Daniel, and Reagan.
David turned 4 on Sunday. It is really true what "they say". Hang on, because it goes so fast. After having Reagan, I have felt like I was on a whirlwind trying to keep up with everything. Meanwhile, David is maturing, physically growing and can barely cradle in my arms. He understands many things yet he is very sensitive and not always eager to express himself when presented with the opportunity. He listens to everything that is said, which lately has been frightening for me because sometimes I'd like to take back a few things. He guides Daniel, sometimes physically by the hand, or by his words. He tells him where daddy is and when he'll be home. He's very matter of fact and detailed with his stories. He has a great imagination, and wants to know things like 'why don't the Thomas trains have ears' (this is very concerning to him). He really wants to know how things work, 'how does the train get onto the track', 'where do fishsticks come from' and ' when am I going to pick him up from school?'. I see his desire to please and be accepted. He is more timid about speaking to strangers, or being put on the spot. Yet, when he is comfortable, he never stops talking and he speaks loudly. While driving through town, I am reminded of every school bus, truck, tractor or other large "working man" equipment that goes by- in a very loud voice. Sometimes, it feels deafening but other times, like when he belts out "When we all get to Heaven" in the back of the van- I can hardly contain myself. He remembers everything. He can recite Jonah and the whale, David and Goliath and detailed instructions of daily chores and rules, whatever it is he is soaking it up like a sponge. Many days he surprises me with what he knows and his big grin of approval is evidence that he is proud of himself. Also, surprising to me is how affectionate he is. I used to think Daniel would be the soft, cuddly type and sometimes he is, yet David really seems more sensitive and cuddly. He always begs for me to sleep with him and he picks me bouquets of great proportion on a daily basis. Nothing is cuter than a little boy in rubber boots with dirt from head to toe, carrying a handful of wildflowers, a big grin on his face and puckered lips expectantly waiting a kiss (of approval) on any given day. My heart just melts at the thought.
Besides etching all the cute things he does into my memory, I am more and more aware of what he is learning. Some things aren't so cute and put me to shame when I realize I might have sound that way one day or wasn't the godly model he needed in a situation. Praying for David and his brothers is a huge responsibility and yet wonderful privilege. I am amazed each day that Brian and I have been given such a wonderful gift from God and that He expects and encourages us to lead them on a righteous path. Looking back on my childhood and seeing the seeds that my parents planted for me, I am realizing the agony they must have felt when I strayed. The Bible states, Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6. That scripture is such an encouragement to me, because I know that I am going to screw up sometimes but I place my trust in this word and I can rest assured God will be faithful providing guidance and protection to my boys. One day I pray that David will also place is trust in Christ and accept Him into his heart. Until then I will keep "training" the best I know how with God's grace, day by day.
