Well, it seems that God is trying to teach me a few things. This past Wed. after working for a few hours I started contracting. alot. I usually contract often throughout the day, but I blame it on taking care of two very busy boys ( and being a little old). But this time it felt different. I actually thought it felt like the first few hours of my induction with Daniel. As usual, I tried to deny that it could be anything, but after much nagging by a couple of co-workers, I let them put me on the monitor. I was definitely contracting- about every 3min. and I noticed their intensity (along with my anxiety) was increasing. Could it be? How could this happen today? I didn't even have my bag packed, or my kitchen floor clean; not to mention I am only 36wks. Ironically, I had started feeling a little on edge the past week- knowing that I only had a few more weeks to go. I couldn't believe it, it seems like everything has sped up. It is much easier to take this little one to the store like this- nice and contained inside my belly. I even joked with my doctor about waiting another week past my original scheduled day (Nov. 9). But, here I was being told that after evaluation, I was 4cm dilated and on the brink of having our baby today. Yikes. why did I start crying? Why was I such a mess? - Because I like to be in control. Apparently, everyone (including my coworkers) knows that. I had to chuckle to myself, when I realized that today in my workbook for the Bible study I'm doing, was titled "My time belongs to God". Well, I insisted the doctor on call recheck me in 2 hours. This happened and I wasn't changed but everyone felt more comfortable having me stay overnight in the hospital, just in case. Esp. considering my hx. with two prior c-sections. Anyway, long story short. I slept horrible but made it through the night and went home in the morning.
As far as the frazzled part goes. I mentioned I was taking a Bible study. It is titled "The frazzled female". Unfortunately, I haven't been able to attend the past two discussions, but have been diligent about completing my work each week. I have to admit, when I pick up the book to start my devotional time, I say to myself pridefully- ' I am not frazzled, I have it together pretty much' and I feel kind of silly that I am even doing it. However, as I do the lessons each day, I am quickly humbled and realize how pertinent the study is to me and am grateful that there are other women who feel the need to do such a study and are going through the same situations as I am. It is a brief study, one that is doable for a "frazzled" female but packed full of truths and pertinent activities that grow my relationship with God. I am realizing that although I may feel a little stressed and stretched to my limits sometimes, He is blessing me everyday and this baby that is on the way is another example of that. It has been a little much, having 3 babies within 3+yrs. but for years God was trying to steer my path yet I did my best to ignore Him. Thankfully, after years of an unhealthy relationship, I was given a second chance and blessed or not, I may have to go through a little stress because I didn't give myself a lot of time to build a family.
Being blessed can be just a little thing or a big thing, and I am experiencing both. Thank you Lord for this baby that is about to fill us with joy and excitement and thank you for my boys. It can't get any better than watching David sit on his daddy's lap and look up and say, 'you are my best friend daddy".