Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Things I miss #4

I know, I know.  You are amazed I have gotten back on the blogging trail.  I have thought about it many times, but my life has been beyond crazy.  It is impossible to do it all and I guilted myself the other day after I realized, not only have I neglected capturing every moment of Lily's first year on video, but I have not written one thing down about our journey this past year. I just finished reading my last entries, since our decision to move west.  Can I just say, I feel like I just opened a fresh wound?  (sigh)  I still miss Florida so much.  I am much better, don't get me completely wrong but boy oh boy,  the heart strings were pulled tight, as I looked at the pictures and relived memories of so many.  It is Fall, the weather is changing- the decreased humidity here is nice, but it gets chilly at 68 degrees.  That brings me to what I miss #4.  You know that smell of fall? I don't know, it just has a smell.  At least on the east coast. All I smell here is dust, especially when it rains. It doesn't smell very pleasant, although natives here feel the same way I do about how Florida smells. they love it!  I really miss that smell of trees and cool weather and Fall Festivals.  Gainesville was awesome for those little "fill your day with simple, laid back festivals".  Here- not so much.  I think there are only 2 or 3 pumpkin patches that I know about, and they cost $10-12 to get in, even for kids.  Not back home.  Micanopy  and Macintosh were the best.  boy do I miss that. strolling down the streets, looking at crafts; oak trees shielding the rays, nice breeze for the moss to sway.  I miss that. It all goes back to the country, I guess. We finally found a place that is our country out here.  I try ignore the houses that sit along side our 1 + acre.  That is huge out here. It was difficult to find something we could live with and afford because land is very expensive and hard to come by.  What a different world it is.  we have neighbors all around yet the area where we live is still more rural than some areas.  It definitely feels better than where we were when we rented.  Our road is dirt, and I don't mind. It feels like "home".  And, it keeps the traffic down.  the kids are adapting to their new setting, and sometimes say they want more sidewalks, so they can ride their scooters.  Yet, in the next breath David says how much he misses the woods.  Yes, the woods. That is not a concept here. I think about that a lot.  Imagining how different the boys lives would be, had we stayed in Williston.  I really wanted that for them.  It continues to be my struggle, yet other things "seem" for the better.  Brian has seen his family a lot more.  His mom and dad come out almost every month. He also was able to go to his aunt's funeral last weekend, which wouldn't have been possible before.  The kids love to see their cousins, which will be again at Christmas.
I know. I don't sound healed.  I guess I am not. It has been a difficult move for me. My heart is still very much back home.   I know I am getting better though.  I have to. Every day is a gift.  why do I want to waste it always looking back?  There are many things I am yet to do and time marches on.  It is a tug of war with my heart right now.  Cherish the memories but live in the present.
Recently, God spoke directly to me through my reading.  Jesus Calling was profound for me this day. It said,  the best response to losses or thwarted hopes is praise: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Remember that all good things- your possessions, your family and friends, your health and abilities, yur time- are gifts from Me.  Instead of feeling entitled to all theses blessings, respond to them with gratitude. Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My hand!  I guess God has a plan to make me totally dependent on him.  I am searching more earnestly that's for sure. 

1 comment:

Annie Overman said...

Jules!!!!! So good to hear from your heart. I know it must be so hard, but Praise God for your faithfulness and for what you are learning through this process. It was so good to see your family this summer, I hope you will make the trip again sometime soon, though it must be difficult!
Love the picture on your blog, a beautiful family and you look fabulous!!
Miss you and praying for you all.