Tuesday, August 10, 2010

"Time flies when you're having......

Basically, not even knowing where to start, I find myself looking back over the past month, wondering where it went.  Since I started my job on the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit, the first part of June my life feels a little off balance.  Switching from nights to days has been an adjustment and adding more hours to my week has proven a little more than I can handle sometimes.  I am still deciding if I like where I am right now.  I have relearned a lot of skills I had forgotten or not utilized since nursing school.  So, in a way it has been refreshing taking on such a challenge.  However, as always, I decide to make changes that are generally drastic because I am too impatient to wait out the course of restlessness.  I knew I was needing a break from L&D, but at this chaotic time in my family life, I definitely have pushed myself.  I truly believe God led me here yet I don't have clear answers why.  Maybe He just wants me to see others that are truly suffering , to realize that my petty disatisfactions with the world are self indulging and unwarranted.  Or, maybe He's preparing me for something to come later in my life or one of my loved ones.  Either way, both of those things are happening.  I am unable to put into words the transformation and healing process that takes place in some one's body as he/she fights for their life from cancer.  Their bodies go from typical, "normal", to (for lack of better words) hanging on by a thread.  Just when I think he/she is on the verge of defeat, the healing begins and before long normalcy returns.  Obviously, it is not that easy and the person who has a transplant still faces ups and downs and possibly readmission to the hospital for complications, but the body is absolutely amazing to observe as it goes through this process. As I continue to move forward in this new area, I struggle with a lack of desire to work ( I'd rather be home with my family), and fond memories of L&D ( I miss the camaraderie and unique nature and excitement of that unit).  I can't honestly say I am completely happy or content where I am but I am taking it day by day.


Abby and Jacob said...

Hang in there! Sometimes I wonder if once you get to this stage in life with kids if ANYONE is totally content. It seems like everyone has the same story. People who are working would like to be home with their kids and those staying home miss what they were trained to do (or the income!).

I, for one, was happy staying home on one level, but also longed to do what I love. Now that a job is in my near future, I worry that I'll miss being home (or more accurately put, I worry I'll worry about Josiah in daycare). It makes me feel guilty to never be fully content, but I'm working on it.

You are not alone.

Teri said...

I agree I was going to write exactly what Abby wrote, it seems that we are feeling this on some level. I am so glad you wrote this b/c I feel kind of out of touch with you and was wondering how it was going there. I am at this weird place in my life where I haven't found a job yet so it is looking like I may have to pull Sammy from his preschool yet I don't want to be a stay at home mom either. Ugh! Just waiting on God and trusting Him as it seems you are too. I love you!