Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Striving to Trust

I am amazed today, again that God is real.  In the ups and downs of life, I can honestly say I question His presence from time to time.  And, Satan manages to trip me up even trying to fool me and leave me in confusion. Likenow, everything is adding up and although I don't want to believe it or follow God's prompting,  I can't shake His presence.   Since Brian got wind of an job opportunity back in October, my heart has been guarded.  Could this really be God's leading?  Arizona?  This soon?  We specifically prayed in the past year and half for another job to open up for Brian somewhere and we prayed that we might find our way out closer to his family.  In our minds and hearts, we thought it'd be Oregon.  Maybe on his grandparents farm, or nearby; we liked the area and it had sentimental value.  However, we struggled with the idea because of the weather.  Florida has it's moments but mostly it is a pleasant place to be, at least you get used to it after all of these years.   And, if we moved closer to California, we knew we didn't want to be  in California and it'd probably be in the next five years or so.
We didn't see it coming........ARIZONA. What?  Of all places.  Don't get me wrong.  I like Arizona.  I lived there for awhile and visited many times but that was when I was single and free (sort of speak).  Not now.  With our kids?  How will they climb trees?  Are you kidding me?  My boys will be messed up for life. 
Well, here we are-the interview came and it's been two weeks, a decision needs to be made.  I can totally relate to Jonah.  'God, you want us to go here?'  Are you sure?  I think I have asked that a hundred times.  Everything leads this way as God's soveriegn hand has orchestrated a plan yet, I don't want to.  He has been so patient with me.  Each day I continue to search for confirmation and there it is.  Today was no different.  I opened my Bible and devotional and STRIVE TO TRUST ME  was bold across the page and it was as if Sarah Young was in my brain, although it was really God. 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.Proverbs 3 :5-6.

It also can't be a coincidence that my online Bible study, which started the day after Brian came back from his interview, is titled Leaving Our Comforts- Walking by Faith.  To some, this may be a coincidence but as I try to run the other way, I continue to be presented with another "duh" moment. 
My heart continues to be heavy, even though this seems like the right thing.  The relationships I have made over the years are irreplaceable and there are dozens of "comforts" that I am already missing.  And, yet some of those things are just that, things.  God will provide another great house, and another great school for the kids.  He keeps whispering in my here,  ' I am the most important thing'.
To my wonderful friends reading this, please keep us prayer this week.  And, if we make a decision pray that doors will open and shut as God leads and peace will fill my heart.  It breaks every moment I think about leaving here and all of you so pray for my hearts mending.   May living in obedience bring God all of the glory. 


Annie Overman said...

OH MY!!!!! That was a shocker!!! I can't imagine all that is going though your mind right now. What a great attitude, in the midst of indecision, to be in the WORD and seeing the messages God is sending. We will be praying for you as you make this big decision!! Wow!

Abby and Jacob said...

Awww...I'm so sad to hear it, yet excited for you if this is God's plan.