My little "buddha baby"

"ACHOO!!!!"

Pure Cuteness

Daniel very proud of his baby brother

David proving he is the ultimate BIG brother

I never thought I'd want to be a "stay- at home mom". I enjoy my job, it feels good to be out of the house. I drink more water and eat more at work, because I only have myself to contend to. I even go to the bathroom, alone and it feels weird. (but good) I get to carry on "intellectual " conversations with adults. Sometimes, I even get a few minutes to read or catch up on my email. But, I must admit, the 12 weeks I had off after Reagan's birth were so sweet. Although, the days were hectic and jammed full of responsibilities and frustrations, it was nice to only have that "work" to worry about.

Many of my friends ask me 'how do you do it?'. My answer would be, "I have no idea". I have been back at work for 3 weeks now and I have yet to feel organized. I manage to take a few minutes during my shift (while pumping) and dream of my precious chubby- cheeked, full of joy (and gas) and smiles baby boy (and that I'd make 18oz of milk b/c I can barely fill a Coke can). With those icey blue eyes that dance like glittering water and stare right at me, like he's trying to tell me something. I could not be more in love right now. Amongst all of the frustrations and chaos, my days are also filled with three boys that love life. I don't know if it's because this may be our last, but I am really taking it all in. I can barely get enough of Reagan's soft, sweet cheeks that I smother with kisses all day. I want to hug David and Daniel so hard, I think they feel like I may squeeze them to death. I feel so blessed to have these gifts from God. I had dreamt about having children, but never understood how it could take over your entire being.

Reagan is almost 4 mths. It is unbelievable. He isn't sleeping through the night yet. Although, the other boys didn't either, until almost a year old. He is sleeping better though, giving us at least 3-4 hrs. at a time. He loves attention. If he's upset, often it is that he only wants someone to talk to and that he does a lot. His little coos and gurgles are untranslatable, but I assume he is telling me how much he loves me. He isn't rolling over yet but can get himself to his back, if he's on his side. He's been holding his head up well for awhile now but gets very angry if I try to give him "tummy time". The best way to make him happy is to get him naked while changing his diaper and I love to count his rolls. He sort of looks like a buddha baby, so I tend to kiss his "buddha" belly a lot too. Now, that we've made it through the first few months, I wonder why I always get so bent out of shape at first. I look back now and think 'it wasn't so bad' . Waking up every 1-2hrs wasn't that bad. Nah, what was my problem anyway? So far, I've done that 3 times..... gotten bent out of shape. You'd think I'd have learned but I have only improved in small ways. Thankfully, I have a husband that doesn't get bent out of shape easily and my little heart is forever grateful. Brian has kept me grounded and not allowed me to get too crazy. And, if I did he loved me anyway which was amazing.

I am still learning......I want to be such a good mom. I am so glad that love endures all and covers all transgressions. I know as I am going through this journey, trying to be a "good mom"- that I am making mistakes and disappointing myself and my kids. I can only pray that through it all my boys will see how much I love them and forget about the ways I disappointed them.

Have newborn-will travel

making the boy smile

cousin Hannah loving on Reagan

grandma and her Sammy

one word - "adorable"

grammy and pappoo

The night before I left Reagan slept the longest night

Emily, Tammy, me, Reagan

grandma Riesterer, Sammy, Reagan, me and Mom "B"



Meeting Reagan for the first time

It's been a few weeks since I got back from my trip. Taking Reagan to California was a last minute decision. I must say I probably won't do something so drastic again. Don't get me wrong, it was a great visit- Reagan did wonderful on the plane, there were no flight delays, and seeing my in-laws was a treat. But, I really missed my "other" boys. I was constantly feeling like I had forgotten something and I truly missed Brian being there to help me on the plane. Reagan's first big travel adventure. The other two went on theirs at two months, so it was only fitting to keep up the trend. He and I had wonderful bonding time and he was so good for me while we traveled, I kept thanking him and loving on him for being such a good boy.

Once we arrived to San Francisco, Brian's dad was waiting for us and we made the trek home. Clare had a nice welcome dinner with Aunt Jan, Uncle Ron and Aunt Pidge. The warm welcome was just what I needed after my exhausting day. The next day, we took a road trip to Merced to see Brian's brother Kevin and Tammy and girls. That is always a fun visit and always too short. We miss them all so much. The girls loved Reagan to pieces and another great dinner was had. The next morning, after yummy blueberry muffins we headed back, just in time to see Stephanie and Shadd and celebrate River's 2nd birthday. We enjoyed the best grilled cheese sandwiches, I had ever had and of course Ben & Jerry's. Sunday was more a relaxed day. Still not having much sleep, b/c Reagan was on a different time schedule I decided to walk the mall. And, spent the day hanging out preparing to head back the next morning, bright and early. Reagan gave everyone his best smile and seemed to tag along well. Everyone was so thrilled to meet him and many memories were treasured. Especially, our visit to see great grandma Riesterer. She has 40 or 50 great grand kids, I think but to see her light up meeting a new one, was quite endearing.

Boys will be boys

Posing his stout little self

Daniel's balancing act

David eating icicles

Munching on the "icicles"

January proved to be an extremely cold one for us "Floridians". And, not to mention busy. Hence, I am just now acknowledging it going into the first week of February. Aw, the love month. I really enjoy kisses and valentines, being sweet on my sweetie. Oh, but back to January. Yes, cold it was- difficult for a mom with three, one of which isn't heavier than a sack of potatoes. David and Daniel still needed their "unleashing", 30 degree weather or not those boys need to be outside. So, trying to stay warm was futile but we managed and I got good at keeping track of them from the couch where I spend many hours a day nourishing my little sack of potatoes.
Brian even"made" icicles for them and they loved it. Every morning they would run to the door to check if there were any frozen spears hanging from our tree. What a delight for them! All they wanted to do was eat them and thought it was funny when they starting melting on their head.

As their day progresses, I hear stories of how they are going on an adventure. This entails pushing their dump trucks out in the clearing , back in the woods- "we're going to the airport" they say, headed for "California". I guess that's how they connect to their grammy and papoo and cousins. Anyone going on a plane is bound for California. Or, their "adventure" might be marching through the daddy-made trails, searching for bears. Regardless of how the outdoor adventure starts out, it usually involves lots of dirt or recently because of all of the rain, lots of mud. As frustrating and exhausting as it can be, there is nothing more endearing than my little boys with mud covering them from head-to-toe- evidence of their passion at heart.

Daniel takes delight in aggravating David, taking his toys when he's not looking or sitting to close while watching a movie. He loves his big brother, hanging on his every word and repeating everything he says- just like it was his idea. Reagan is fitting in nicely. He just goes with the flow. Smiling, and cooing; blowing bubbles, with eyes just a sparkingly. David and Daniel have great big plans for teaching him all about trucks, trains and mud. Lord, help me!

Two months and counting

Reagan, you are two months old. It has been an exciting time with you so far.

Mommy is very tired most days, but each day is getting a little better. You still wake up a few times at night to eat and typically like sleeping in your bouncy seat or in an upright position. You are a very gasey baby, just like your brothers were. I try to watch what I eat, but it doesn't seem to matter so we manage the best we can- you are going in to get weighed in a few days but mommy thinks you are growing well because you eat every 2-3 hrs. most days and when you are growing it is difficult to keep up with feeding you. And you are going through your diapers like crazy. This past week has been fun because you started smiling- not the gasey smile but with your eyes lighting up and a big 'ole grin on your face. You are looking at me right now with those big blue eyes. BLUE EYES! Can you believe it, where did they come from. I am so happy that you have blue eyes like me. You are starting to sleep better, (note pics) and mommy tries to keep you comfortable in most any place. You make a lot of noises in your sleep and wake yourself up when your hands move, so mommy still swaddles them down although you break out most of the time.

Your brothers David and Daniel want you to play trains with them and love to share their toys with you. David has been telling you he loves you everyday and they both kiss you often. You are a great shopper with mommy so far and ride in the car very well. You seem to like it a lot. Unfortunately, it has been extremely cold so most days we can't go outside. But, when it warms up I can't wait to take you outside and show you the birds and the trees and new sounds and feel the warm sunshine on your face. I am sure your blue eyes will look even more beautiful under the sun.

Happy New Year ( and all that jazz)

"I got Gordon!!!"

"James!!!"

Thank Heaven for play tents (it was raining all day)

Santa brought a cool cement mixer

Thanks Santa for the garbage truck

Another year has come and gone. Unbelievable. The anticipation of Christmas has now left a mellow, downer kind of feeling. I even noticed it in church last Sunday. The mood seemed exhausted, slow , almost depressed. What's that all about? I guess it's hard because all of us probably anticipate Christmas, in some way. Looking back, when I was little, I would keep my head covered while I sweat to death; afraid that Santa would know I was still awake. Ever year I would get a new baby doll and dreamed of being a mommy, taking my "baby" everywhere- (at least wherever a bike would take you). Now, being much older and a mom, I am evaluting the spirit of Christmas more and more. I would be lying if I said I didn't like receiving presents, but gradually I have found that receiving is less and less fulfilling. The highlight of my season was enjoying the lights on our tree and experiencing the "magic" with the boys. I felt more peace this year as I looked harder at the miraculous story of Jesus' birth and what it all means to me. It is easy, year after year to not pay attention or appreciate the magnitude of how our King came to earth and eventually saved me by his death on the cross. It is truly something to dwell upon. It is tricky now that I am a parent. How do you teach the true meaning of Christmas and yet allow your kids to enjoy the temporary perks of the "holiday". You have to address the Santa thing, they see him all over the place and hear about him from other children. So, deciding how to handle it is something to consider. Do you want to spoil the fun so soon as a child or let them have fun and trust the true meaning will penetrate through the other fluff. It just seems weird to me building up the anctipation of Santa coming, leaving him cookies, looking for reindeer ( which is all fun) and yet teaching the story of Jesus, our Saviour being born all in the same breath. I guess for us adults it seems confusing, because we compartmentalize- thankfully children don't do that. They take it all in and gratefully it all just works out.

This year, things were hectic because of Reagan in the mix, but grateful we were and it was nice to have time off from work even if I spent most of the time at home and missing some of the festivities going on. My parents came up Christmas day and we had a good day visiting and eating, while the kids tore up the house with their new play tent. It was another rainy day but thankfully cleared up at day's end.

2010. How do you say that? Twenty ten or Two thousand and ten? I didn't really think about it until I heard someone else ask the question. The comment was Twenty ten, sounds 'futuristic'. Personally, I like Two thousand and ten but I also still write checks and send mail via the post office. It can seem daunting coming up with new year resolutions, especially when I realize that I didn't keep the ones I made last year or I never had one. I decided this year I would make a few and stick to them. Not really resolutions but "improvements". I not only want to resolve some things from the past year but I want to become more than I was last year.

#1 Love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul and strength.

Pray that this will be evident in my words and actions.

#2 Love my husband better.

He puts up with my shortcomings but he definitely deserves more.

#3 Get in shape. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

#4 Stop using credit cards. Only use cash or save until I have the money I need.

#5 Be a blessing to someone everyday. Even if it's a few minutes or something small.

#6 Limit my chores so I appreciate my children more with my time.

#7 Be content. Love what I have. We all have too much stuff anyway.

#8 Listen more.

#9 Guard my mouth.

#10 Spend time with my Bible everyday.

I could probably come up with a million "improvements" but I think I'll start with these. Hopefully, when 2011 comes I can see how far I've come in all of these areas but most of all I will be more Christ like.